Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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