just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
