I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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