God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
