Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
