she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
