You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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