i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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