I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Even my vagina gasped.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
