Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
