Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
