I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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