Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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