I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
