you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
