id be glad to
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
