He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
