my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize