Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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