I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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