Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
