I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
