I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
