i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
