its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
