We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
