shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
