Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
