I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
