fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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