I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
