He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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