I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
