so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
