I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
