Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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