Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Randomize
