hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
