The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
