We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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