Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
