your thong is hanging out like whoa
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
