I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
