I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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