I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
