Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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