There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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