hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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