You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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