Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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