is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
