There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
