Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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