wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
