Are we in a gay sports bar?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
