the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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