I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
