I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We left an ass print on the piano.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
