He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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