she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
