Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
