i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
