Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
