so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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