you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
