ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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