Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
