So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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