I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
