There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
