I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
