I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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