I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
