I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
