I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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