im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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