it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
