Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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