We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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