Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
