when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
