part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
