'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
