Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
