Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
