so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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