I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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