All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
