The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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