i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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