The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
