In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just gargled with NyQuil
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
