i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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