i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize