I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
