I wish I only lived at night.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
