White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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