The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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