there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
