why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She told me I should be a condom model.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize