he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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