Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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