It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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