it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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