I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
