So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
